


Former Anniversary

by kelly42fox



Series: Exes and Second Chances [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anniversary, Bittersweet Ending, Drunk Castiel, Drunk Dialing, Exes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:23:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4419338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelly42fox/pseuds/kelly42fox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months after breaking up, Dean gets an unexpected phone call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Former Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> I donno where this came from. I just spewed it out this evening. I don't drabble very often. 
> 
> Enjoy?

It had been months, and the hurt that had taken up residence in his chest had turned into a aching void. Somewhere along the way, Dean had forgotten why they had fought and ultimately parted ways. The reasons were legitimate then, but with the passage of time they seemed so trivial. He only knew one thing; he missed Cas desperately.

Only after so much time had passed did he recognize his simple truth. Castiel Novak had been it. Nothing or no one could take his place.

It was October again. Fall didn’t mean much on the Montana prairie but the browning of the grass and the promise of winter. The thick grey clouds blanketing the vast expanse of sky overhead were threatening enough. Dean didn’t pay the weather much mind as he sat on the hood of his loved Impala, except to find it completely befitting his mood.

It was their 3rd anniversary. Or would have been.

He lifted the brown bagged 40oz to his lips and took the last long draw to finish the bottle. As he bounced its empty weight in his hand, he wished he’d purchased another. He knew he’d need more to get through the night and avoid doing something stupid. And yet, more would definitely make him do something stupid.

It was like how they had been, in the end, always teetering on a precarious edge, catch flight or explode. They seemed destined to crash and burn, and they certainly did. Dean never got around to getting Baby’s tail light fixed after the rock it took as he drove away. He’d gotten that message loud and clear. It was the exclamation point at the end of the overly calm and perfectly composed ‘Dear John’ letter he’d received in stunning live action. It was the explosion at the bottom of the long fall.

Looking back, Dean never imagined how they had ever made it as far as they did. Dean was rough and bottled emotion, while Cas was classic eloquence and as unmovable as a mountain. Their compliment was beautiful until they met their impasse.

Dean was about ready to move on, find a nice quiet bar in town, when the phone in his pocket rang. He pulled it out only, only to gasp at the number. It wasn’t saved in his phone anymore, but he’d never forget it. His thumb accepted the call without his consent.

“Dean Winchesser,” a rough, whiskey voice slurred through the phone line. His blood went cold because he’d never forget that voice. It would haunt him until the day he died. It also sounded like it was already influenced by a few more bottles than Dean had managed to consume.

When Dean couldn’t find words to answer, the voice continued. “Afer all the time thaz been stolen from us, you could a’leas’ answer me. I know ih’s you, Dean. I got this number from Ssammmy.”

Damn his brother.

“C-Cas?” was all Dean could manage. 

“I knew you’d rememmer.”

“How could I forget?” Dean whispered.

Cas didn’t seem to hear, and continued on, “I have sommthin’ to say. Is impor’ant.”

Dean knew he should hang up. He knew that if Cas had been in his right mind, he would never had made the call. It would be better if this just ended before it got worse, before the sick tight feeling in his stomach made it to his head. But he couldn’t seem to pull the phone from his ear.

“What? What is it, Cas?”

“Is impor’ant ‘cuz I can’t breathe anymore, Dean. I can’t. Seven months shouldda made ih go ‘way. Buh is got’en so big tha’ there’es no more room for ih.”

“Cas, buddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean groaned out, running a hand over his face. It was a lie. He knew exactly what Cas meant. He leaned forward onto his knees and closed his eyes, but, so help him, he kept listening.

Frustration started to lace into Cas’ voice. “I’m tryin’ tuh tell you, Dean. Ih hurtz to breathe. I donno how to fix ih, Dean. How?”

“Cas, where are you? Are you sitting down somewhere?”

“I’m home, Dean. Onn our couch. Hate thiz couch. Ih remmemmers too.” There was a quiet sob over the line. 

Contained, ordered Cas was so far gone he was raw and broken. The slight hiccup of breath over the line was enough to push Dean over the edge. He had to consciously think about breathing. His throat was so sight, air was coming in gasps. He ran his hand over his face again to keep the water building up in his eyes from falling.

“Cas, I need you to hang up, and go to sleep, buddy. Ok? Can you do that?” Dean managed to rasp out. With the state Cas was in, Dean knew he should call Cas’ family. He might still be able to find Gabriel. That thought left him cold.

“No!” Cas howled. “No. Naw until I tell you.”

“Ok. ok. Cas. Tell me.”

Dean pulled the phone from his ear and put the call on speaker phone, so he could go through his contacts. Maybe Gabriel, if not Anna. He wasn’t sure if he deleted the whole Novak/Milton family out of anger. There were a lot of things from that time he doesn’t remember due to an alcohol haze.

There was only a sniffle from the other end of the line. “Cas, buddy, you still with me?”

“I need wadder. I godda drink the ammoun’ for the whiskey. I godda finnish thiz glasss.”

That actually made Dean chuckle. So Cas. Totally hammered and conscious of hydrating. It sent another stab through his chest from the fondness of it. “Good on you.”

The pause gave Dean a chance to focus on something else, namely failing to find any of Cas’ family. So he shot a text to Sam. He got Dean into his current predicament, so he could help him out of it.

 **Dean Winchester:** You gave him my number, you ass. You get to tell Gabe or Anna or anyone who will listen that their baby brother has drunk himself into a fit, and they need to go check on him.

The water seemed to calm Cas down. When his voice returned, he was able to makes slightly more progress in what he was trying to say. “I know now why you said whatchu did, Dean. Tha’ sstick iz firmly in my asss… buh I think thiz hurt sayz tha’ there’es more too me than tha’. I can’t breathe withou’ you, Dean.”

Dean swallowed and spluttered a little around the lump in his throat that was trying to come all the way up.

Before Dean could respond to Cas, he received a text from Sam. The phone beeped loudly and rumbled in his hand.

“Whazzat?”

“I got a text, Cas. Don’t worry about it. I’m listening.” Dean wasn’t going to check it, he’d gotten the idea from the phone notification flashing on the screen; Sam basically saying ‘oh shit.’

“Dean…” He paused and his voice dropped lower. “Dean… Dean…” His voice cracked. “I can’t believe I called you. I… I’m… Dean.” 

“Cas, please say what you’re going to say…” Dean couldn’t take much more. He was a few breaths away from a tailspin.

“Dean, I’m sorry…” 

An uncontrolled whimper slipped out in a gasp, and Dean’s eyes closed again. Those were the words that he’d always wanted, simply those words. All he’d needed was for Cas to recognize that, even if Dean always blamed himself, all their problems weren’t Dean’s fault. People have to meet in the middle in a relationship, and Cas was always too righteous for that. Sam had been the one to convince Dean of that a little too late. 

As the tears finally fell freely, Dean rasped out, “I forgive you, Cas. For everything, really.” 

“Would you ever come home?” Cas whispered.

Dean coughed to cover a sob. He couldn’t see clearly anymore, his eyes were too wet. “I donno, Cas. Maybe. Maybe someday.”

The phone beeped, but it wasn’t on Dean’s end.

“Oh… iz Gabe…” Cas said, slightly surprised.

“I think you should answer that, Cas. Call me when you’re sober sometime. Maybe we can talk.”

There was silence. Dean figured that Cas was nodding. Another pang of fondness, not quite so stabbing this time, rushed through him.

“Ok, Cas. I’m going to hang up now. Talk to your brother, k? Then get some sleep. Bye, Babe.” It all slipped out in a tumble of words before Dean hit the end call icon.

Dean buried his phone deep in his jacket pocket and dragged both hands down his face, wiping away the tears. He fell back onto the hood of his car, staring up at the clouds, and just breathed.

He found that the air flowed a little easier, and he felt a little lighter.

Cas missed him as much as Dean missed him. Cas was just as broken as Dean. Cas was learning, growing. Maybe Dean had too. For the first time in months it felt like hope.


End file.
